Looking back (in preparation)

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August 4, 2005…(taken from one of my recently found journals)

I am overwhelmed by all I want to do, but I can’t stand still.  I need to do something out of the ordinary, need to take a risk, break away from this level of functionality and add a spark to it’s grayness.  Maybe I’m slowly getting ready.  

Presently….

It’s hard to believe – well it’s hard to believe a lot about that last statement, that I wrote it almost 8 years ago, that since then I have done some fairly out of the ordinary things, that I felt this way before leaving for college and that I still feel this way a little bit.  I love these pieces of me that I see over time, I love how they melt together and roughly form the portrait of who I am, and how that portrait will help build the one 8 years from now.  In looking back, there are times when I wish I could hold myself, tell myself that the storm will clear, tell myself to stay or go, tell myself that soon the pain will pass and the beauty will begin.  Tell myself to breathe, breathe through the hard times and gulp the air down when times are good.  I know I will want to tell myself these things as I look back on this phase of my life years from now, so I hope that through this retrospective looking glass I can invert the image and hold steady on me now, continue breathing through the hard times and the good, and love myself throughout this new adventure.

For those of you who are interested, here is a link to the organization I will be working for in Peru:

http://www.sacredvalleyhealth.org/about.html