Malaysia - forethoughts

3/27/11

It’s a hard realization for me to see that I am alone and that it’s not necessarily a bad thing.  The grips of loneliness won’t come seeping through my cold wooden floors and nibble at my sockless toes while I sit there crying, unless I let them.  I can go to Malaysia on my own.  Going by myself is a way to allow me to touch those parts previously untouchable and masked by my desperate need for companionship.  I worry about my safety, I worry I will hate it there, I worry that I will not meet people, that I will go to bed early and sleep in late and miss out on an entire country.  But I have to do it; I have a strange enigmatic desire to see this place, I just have understand that Malaysia wants to see me too.

3/30/11

In my dream last night, some wise elderly woman, grey hair messy and in her face looking stern like Grandmother Willow, told me that something beautiful happens when, and only when, I can see two worlds at once.  When I can look at one thing and see two different things is when I would become enlightened, or I guess enlivened.  We were in a world full of illuminated bugs, who balanced and floated on top of a dark and pearly stream.  They had two faces; they’re ugly bug faces that I hated and then this beautiful white, glowing, angelic mask that gently lit up the water around them.  I'm not quite sure what this dream means, but I will take in into consideration that underneath what I usually think is my ugly mask, there is an angelic mask...I just have to look for it.